Potty Pony and Sucky Shins

There's a potty training product on sale at Kidsteals.com called the Potty Pony Pals.  It's underwear for kids that has a pony printed on the inside of the crotch and comes with a DVD.  The DVD poses as entertainment and lures unsuspecting kids into loving this Pony.  Then it instructs the kids to not pee on their new friend.  As if potty training isn't traumatic enough . . . Whew.  I haven't started potty training the B yet, but I hope I don't have to eat my words and start pinning cute animals on the inside of her underwear when I do.  Potty animal options include:

1. Pink Pee Pee Pig
2. Poopy Pigeon (that would be poetic justice, would it not?)
3. Tinkle Tiger
4. Crappy Cat




We're SO cute!  Don't Pee/Poop on us!



Speaking of excrement, my shins are the laziest pieces of poop and full of suckiness.  I foam roll, I ice, I stretch, I rest, and still the ungrateful buggers ruin my training schedule.  A training schedule that I specifically designed to only increase by 1 mile every 2 weeks to ease in my shins.

Do you have any potty animal suggestions?  Any suggestions for treating/preventing shin splints?

We May Need a Milk Intervention

Most of the time the B could care less about food or water.  She is very picky eater, preferring things like plastic and rocks instead of veggies and meat.  However, the story dramatically changes when she hears us say Milk, or sees a bottle milk.  She drops everything she's doing and behaves as if we have been starving her for weeks.

Give me my milk! NOW!!!!!!

The B continuously signs milk and claws at us to give her a bottle.  When she is not appeased within 30 seconds, the B goes into full Red-Alert-Meltdown (RAM).  Signs of RAM include:

1. Screaming
2. Hyperventilating
3. Limb flailing
4. Foot stomping
5. Head shaking
6. Full body quivering
7. Head sweats
8. Tears
9. Snotty nose (usually follows tears)

As soon as the bottle of milk is injected into her sweaty hands, she relaxes, finds a place to crash out, and falls into a blank eyed stare.

I think she may have a milk dependency problem.

Do you or does your child have any food addictions?

Love Letter to Forearm Plank

In my yoga practice, there are always a couple of poses that I have absolutely no desire to work on.  However, as my favorite teacher is quick to point out, the poses that you struggle in are the poses your body needs the most.  In the middle of said poses, he often says, "Try to relax something in your body, and send some love to the poses.... stop glaring at me ... that won't help."  I was unsuccessful at sending any amount of love last night, so I'm giving it an effort today.

Dear Forearm Plank,
     
I love the ever-living-heck out of you.  This is why:

1. I love the way you make my arms and abs shake so hard I contemplate the pleasure of face planting
2. I love the way you are prefectly positioned to drip the salty sweat into my burning eyes
3. I love the way you make my arms feel like throbbing limp noodles the next day

XOXO,

Your BFF, Sam.      

Now I just need to wait for a response from Forearm Plank.  With my kind of luck, it'll feel the same way about me as my daughter does.

Mommy: I love you, B!
Bonnie: Get this lady off of me.

            

Do you have a "favorite" pose? 

My Fartlek Fail

Yesterday, I consulted a friend Tom at work about my half marathon training plan.  He nicely offered to take a look at it.  Little did I know he is a sadistic monster. In hindsight I should have expected no less from a former competitive swimmer. (Who likes the Butterfly stroke, seriously?). So Tom pointed out that since my midweek runs were my shorter runs, they would be more effective if they involved drills and speed work. For example, negative splits, intervals, and of course, Fartleks. After much whining and complaining on my side of the table, he wrote out a plan for my Tuesday Fartlek track workout. This isn't really a list, but it's easier to read in list format.

1. 1 mile warm up
2. 2 mile Fartlek (90% for half lap, and jog half lap)
3. 0.5 mile cool down
4. 0.5 mile walk home

This is what actually happened.

1. 1 mile warm up (ok, feeling good, building confidence)
2. First 2 laps of Fartlek (I got this!)
3. Third lap (OMG, I hate Tom)
4. Forth lap (I'm just going to walk part of the jog, my lungs are on fire)
5. Fifth lap (My legs must be made of iron they are so heavy)
6. Sixth lap (I think I'm going to vomit... Yeah, this is not going to happen.)
7. Jogged for 3 laps just to catch my breath
8. Ran 1 mile while loathing myself and feeling sore already
9. Let the B out for her toddler workout (So I could pass out on the grass and watch her run around)
10. Ran home because I felt like a loser

Things I like as much as Fartleks.

1. Getting cavities drilled
2. Paying credit card bills
3. Calculating and paying taxes
4. Eating raw chicken
5. Descaling fish

It's confirmed, I hate speed work and Tom.

I've got my eye on you Tom.

Do you like Fartleks? 

Feeling Legit

Back to running today!  4.5 miles at a 9:39 min/mi pace.  Not bad considering I've been off sick for a week.  It's faster than I left off at, but I was sans stroller today.  Maybe it's a wash.  At any rate, I almost felt like a legitimate runner this morning while I was pounding rubber high school track. 

1. I left the house at 5am (I'm usually a night runner, more on that later.)
2. It was 46 degrees and I was not in less-than-60-degrees gear (Which is a parka. I'm a Californian, give me a break.  We also panic and forget how to drive if water is falling from the sky. The sky is falling!!!  We're all going to die!!!)
3. The moon was still high, and the stars were out (If you can see the stars in LA, it's dark.)
4. The other runners gave me the head bob of respect

Which brings me to...

I know this is so 2011 (I  <3 Run on FB), but I'm bringing it back because it applies, dammit.

This is why I ran in the morning instead of after work:

1. The B refused her afternoon nap yesterday
2. Consequently, she had multiple meltdowns at 6pm
3. We put her to bed an hour earlier 7pm (To prevent the I-can't-sleep-because-I'm-too-tired stage)
4. Toddler logic dictated that she wake up 2 hours earlier that usual (4am)
5. I can't sleep through toddler screaming

Amazingly, I'm feeling pretty chipper.  Perhaps it's because of the 20oz cup of coffee I just sucked down.  Either way, I'm going with it.  HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

The Animals are Judging Me

The B has a few sets of Melissa and Doug chunky puzzles.  The puzzles include transportation vehicles, tools, pets, and zoo animals.  Each night I put them away and at the end of the next day, there is always a line up of animals on the entertainment center. Just animals, the rest of the puzzle pieces are scattered on the floor.  It's almost as if she has a method to this madness.  The most disturbing thing to me is, I NEVER CATCH HER DOING THIS.  I don't think I'm a negligent parent and she also follows me everywhere, including trips to the bathroom.  How does a toddler mind work?

1. Is there some sort of code?
2. Is there a pattern I'm failing to see
3. Or, is she just messing with me?

I'm pretty sure it's #3.  I'm trying to convince Jason to rig a motion detecting camera trained to this corner of the entertainment center, he says,"honey, I think you need to go for a run"

Yesterday, I took a 3 mile walk down to the grocery store.  My lungs hurt but I didn't dissolve into hacking coughs.  I think I'll be ready for a run by Tuesday!  Thank goodness.  I'm starting to get that ants-are-crawling-under-my-skin feeling, and I'm getting twitchy.  This is what happens to me if I don't exercise:

1. Develop twitching
2. Start snapping
3. Eat way too much
4. Complain about getting slow and fat
5. Turn into a potato

and last but not least my new symptom,

  

    6.   Develop puzzle piece paranoia

It's not just me, right?  You can feel it too, right?

Baby Shots

The worst parts about baby shots

1. Having to hold the baby down
2. Seeing her panicked little tears
3. Hearing her frantic cries of pain

I think I get more worked up about her shots than she does. I also probably cry more than she does too. :(

Fun with Foam Rollers

Since I'm drowning in green snot and don't feel up to sharing more disturbing bodily germ-fighting-functions, the B has kindly allowed me to share some of her favorite activities with the foam roller.

 

1. Chew Toy - I taste latex with a hint of carpet fuzz

2. TV Zombie Chair - I have a crush on Elmo

3. Reading Bench - Intriguing, I like what the author does with color analogies

4. Communication with Aliens - Hello!



5. Balance Barre - I can lift my leg higher than my mama



6. Foam Roller - My calves feel tight today



The Caped Lambkin Strikes Again!



Operation Release Cuteness is a GO!


The Amazing Caped Lambkin's super hero powers include but are not limited to:

1. Previously unseen levels of cuteness
2. Impossibly hard head
3. Hours of wall-piercing-gut-wrenching whining 
4. Razor sharp finger nails
5. Capable of appearing underfoot at the most inconvenient times
6. Covering the house with toys in less than 5 minutes
7. Producing 2 to 3 poopy diapers a day
8. Contortionist in the crib by night
9. Reducing her victims to awwwwwwing minions
10. Getting her mama (minion #1) sick

The little monkey is appearing to be recovering well.  Her appetite is not completely back but she finished half a kiwi, which I'm taking to be a good sign.  I, on the other hand, am riding the slippery slide to worse-ville.  I'm developing a cough.  Which is a groundhog-esque sign that I will be ill for the next 2 weeks.  Craptastic.  Since my 3 battles with pneumonia in 2005, my respiratory system is really weak.  This leads into my questions for when I'm finally able to run again without hacking up half my lung, do I?

1. Start back on my training as if I never left off
2. Build back up to the distance that I'm supposed to hit - like a reverse taper
3. I don't have a 3rd question but lists that only have 2 items worry me.  Feel free to insert whatever.

Sleeping like a baby

I've bored myself with homicidal mattress talk so I'll spare the other 2 people reading my ranting lists.  Who am I kidding?  I can't help myself.  Suffice it to say, I did not "sleep like a baby" in any sense of the phrase.  Generally people use "sleep like a baby" to describe sleeping soundly.  However, as my husband pointed out to me, sleeping like a baby in the style of the baby B means:

1. Tossing and turning
2. Peeing your pants
3. Waking up screaming every couple of hours

I did not sleep like a rock nor did I pee my pants and scream.  I'm sure my husband is happy that I kept my pee to myself.  At around 3am, the fumes finally got to me and I abandoned bed and spent the rest of the night in the guest bed.  Buyer's remorse x 100.

Enough of that.

My 1/2 marathon training plan is shot today. 

1. It's raining
2. I'm sick - courtesy of the B and my husband
3. I'm a lazy bum

So the plan is to foam roll and maybe do a little yoga.  Which may be difficult because I can't breathe.  We'll see how that goes.  I'll probably just couch potato out and watch TV.  Wish me luck!

Picture from after the race.

the B's favorite part of the race - getting her own balloon

The Mattress Lease Experiment - Day 1

The word of the day = out gassing.

During my frantic post mattress purchase Internet searching I came across an issue the foam mattress have, namely out gassing.  So when the mattress arrived today I knew to let it air out but I wasn't certain for how long.  I began the search to determine just how long.  Unfortunately, the websites are not clear on that point, times vary between weeks, months, and years.  But they do say that the out gassing is bad bad bad for you.  Now I have a list of symptoms to watch out for in case my mattress is trying to kill me and my family.

1. Respiratory failure
2. Hives or rash
3. Cancer
4. Nausea
5. Irritated eyes

I'm mostly kidding . . . I'm trying to reassure myself with the knowledge that if I look hard enough, I can find studies and evidence that carpet and paint is slowing killing us too.  I need to invest in human sized plastic bubbles for me and my family.  Organic plastic bubbles.

A Fool and Her Money

So I finally got sick to death of our ancient crusty mattress. Maybe I'm just jealous that it's been sleeping with my husband for longer than I have. Or maybe it is because we both roll out of bed feeling more sore than before we get in.

Either way it was way past time to replace the sweat sponge. To do this we had to visit a mattress store, which has to be a form of punishment. I'll keep that in mind when the B gets into trouble. What do you mean you got a C on the test?! Go to the mattress store right now young lady! Lots of money later I'm now having doubts.

1. Is the Ortho mattress really as good as a Tempurpedic?
2. Did I actually get a good deal?
3. Why is there a lack of reviews or feedback online regarding the mattress I bought?
4. Should I be concerned that all the yelp reviews say that the store is crummy and the sales guy sleazy?

I'm trying to convince myself that it will be ok because there is a 1 year return policy. But that includes a 20% restocking fee + $65 for the mattress inspector + $100 delivery/pickup fee. So really it's around a $500 fee to get rid of the thing if we hate it.
I suppose I could dub it the Very Expensive Mattress Lease Experiment.

You Were Right

As everybody has been telling me all week. My first race went great! My initial concerns turned out to be non issues. See last post for reference.

1. I finished!
2. I don't think I was last. I passed a couple of stroller mamas walking. Okay results are in. I was 114 of 192 overall and 49 of 94 for women.
3. The B was actually great during the race. In spite of her not feeling well, more on that later.
4. Took care of the poop issue the night before and after some early morning coffee.
5. I gave the B some yogurt before the race and she had snacks with her but not much of an appetite.
6. Jason dropped us off close and was able to find parking close
7. Morning was cold so I was able to wear my favorite long sleeve shirt
8. The compressions sleeves worked so well. Plus all the foam rolling must have helped
9. The B did not poop until after she was put into her crib for her nap. I went into her room because it was taking longer than usual to fall asleep and was greeted with a heavy stench. Poor baby. I doubt I would be able to sleep with a diaper full of poop. Try it, I'm sure you would not either.

So about the B not feeling well. All week she has not had much of an appetite, and an occasional running nose. It turned into a fever in the middle of the night. We were up with her from 2am to 4am. We gave her some Tylenol and milk and back to sleep she went. Surprisingly it did not seem to faze her or me today. Adrenaline I suppose.

Pictures later. iPad can't post pics. Whaaa?

Ready, Set, Go!

My splits (don't laugh, I know I'm slow.):

Mile 1. 11:57

Mile 2. 10:35

Mile 3. 10:09

Mile 4. 10:01

Mile 5. 10:22 (arggg hill! who puts a hill at the end?!)

Mile 6. 10:17 (recovering from said hill)

Mile 7.   8:54 (all 0.34 of it.  I guess I took some wide corners)  

Pre-Race Panic Poop

It's been over a decade since I've done anything remotely competitive.  The last competitive event I was in was a swim meet in HS.  Before every swim meet I would poop 5 times and puke.  Then I would feel slightly better.  I've been anxious all week for the baby buggy 10K this Sunday.  I know, get over it already.  And yet I can't.  These are the things I am panicking about.

1. Not finishing
2. Finishing last
3. The B screaming through the race - fun to be had for all
4. Needing to poop at the race - ewwww portapotty
5. The B's breakfast - I'll have snacks but Breakfast falls right during the race
6. Getting to the race - parking lots close access at 6am, race doesn't start until 8:15.  I'm considering walking to the race start because it's only 2miles away.  But what if I get too tired to finish.  See item #1.
7. What I should wear for weather and what should I put the B in
8. Shins hurting
9. The B pooping during race.

As recommended by my sister, I'm going to make another list addressing the panic list by either;

1. How I can plan to prepare for that concern
2. Why that concern is either unfounded or extreme
3. What I can do to make myself feel better about that concern

So to address the concerns.

1. Not finishing -- This is probably extreme.  Worst case, I can walk to the finish.  Last year the slowest time was 1:54, which is something like a 16min split.  I can probably walk faster than that.
2. Finishing last --Why does this matter???  So what if I'm last?  Nobody has actually died of shame.  Try convincing my stomach of that.  STOP making me get the runs already?!
3. Screaming baby --I'm in the baby buggy race.  Other kids will be screaming too.  Note to self, don't forget headphones.
4. Poop --Can't think of anything for this, I'll just have to do it if the urge comes.  Or maybe it'll make me run faster?
5. B's bfast --I'll feed her before the race.  If she doesn't want to eat, then the snacks should fill her up?  And if she doesn't want the snacks, waiting an hour before eating is not coming close to starving her.
6. Getting to Race --I'm walking to the race location on Saturday to get the packet.  If that feels too tiring, I'll ask the husband to drop us off on Sunday.  I'll let him worry about the parking situation.  Maybe he can drive home and then walk back in time to see us finish.  He doesn't have to be at the start, it's not like I'm going to be much company.  Except the idea of going into a porta potty with the baby is not pleasant.  I'll have to poop a lot at home.
7. Clothes --layers?  I have a stroller, I can just stick outer layers in there.
8. Shin pain --They're just going to hurt.  Nothing I can do about that.  Ice after?
9. B's Poop --Waiting an hour to change her diaper won't kill her, right?

Any tips?  Or more things for me to worry about?

Bittersweet Bonnie

There are moments with the B that can only be truly captured by the adjective bittersweet.  She can be so cute while she's developing her own personality, but some moments just break my heart a teeny tiny bit. Well, maybe more than a tiny bit.

1. Giving a coy smile and shaking her head "no" in response to the question, "Can I have a hug?"
2. Saying "dada" when asked to say mama
3. Clutching the babysitter for dear life when I come home from work 

I ditched my run yesterday in favor of foam rolling my calves for a couple of hours instead.  My shin splints are feeling pretty terrible due to my fit of 10K paranoia.  Here's the list of things I like about my new foam roller.

1. It's bright orange so I won't lose it amongst baby toys, hopefully
2. My shins feel better after I use it
3. It's hilarious to see the B get worried because I'm squishing her new toy

Here are the things I don't like about my new foam roller.

1. It hurts
2. Did I mention it hurts?
3. Hilarity quickly fades when the B's worry turns into a GIVE IT TO ME panic and goes running off with the roller

WHY were you crushing my toy with your leg?!?

Getting Back to Me, Wait . . . who am I again?

It's been just about 15 months since Bonnie arrived screaming and clawing into the world.  She really hasn't stopped since.  2011 was a tough year for me, full of all things screaming baby. 

1. Colic
2. Baby acid reflux - so sad
3. Not sleeping more than 2 hours in a stretch - nursing hungry baby
4. Pumping at work - let's all say it together, MOOOOOOOO
5. Nursing
6. Making organic baby food
7. Cloth diapers - now that we have a PROCESS it's much better

So far 2012 has been much friendlier to me. 

1. Less screaming: the B is getting better at communication/I'm getting better at understanding her
2. Hugs from the B
3. More sleep!

With the lack of screaming, I can actually hear myself think these days.  There's one thought that has been occupying a corner of my brain, me.  Or a lack of me really.  I can't remember what I used to do with my time before the baby came.  Of course there was work and yoga, but beyond that it's a blur.  A friend sent me an article about how having a baby in your life changes you to a new state of you.  In the article the author says that she would not want to be the old version of her anyway.  So even though I liked the old me better, I'm going to make a new me. 

Characteristics I aspire to

1. Adventurous and Fun
2. Positive thinker
3. Healthy eater
4. Sane

I think that's good enough for now.