How We Are Adjusting

Quick update on my resolutions, I've covered about 75% of them.  Most days I'm okay with this.  We're living in the weird paradox where the days go by so achingly slow and yet the week seems to fly by.  Easter is already upon us and C is almost 4 months old!  I have been planning to make the girls matching dresses for Easter Sunday.  C's dress (Little Geranium by Made-By-Rae) was done on Sunday and I'm pretty close to finishing B's dress.

Better photo planned with the kid in it.  Check out the pockets!

While it feels like a ton of things to do, here's my short list of things to complete before Sunday.
1. Finish B's dress
2. Make an Easter basket for B
3. Fill the Easter basket
4. Make a baby basket for C

It's difficult to get time for these things since we spend most mornings out of the house.  I know, first world problems right here.  If we stayed at home, the B would tear apart the house.  Her newest activity is jumping: off of things, onto things, over things.

I defy all things, including gravity!

I almost forgot to mention her next favorite activity, tagging.

In case you were wondering, it's Sharpie.  And no, it was not authorized.

Also finding and using scissors is very popular around here.

Bangs and holes in your clothes are in right now.  Get with the times mom.

With both of these antics you would think that I'm pretty negligent and that my child is often unsupervised.  The truth is that toddlers are sneaky weasels and each of these occurrences happened within the 5 to 10 minutes it takes to change C's diaper.

While we are out and about well meaning people like to ask me questions such as;
1. So you have 2 girls, are you going to try for a boy?
2. How is the older sibling adjusting?
3. How are you adjusting?

1.  I always grimace at this question since it is often asked in front of my girls.  I usually give a shrug and an "eh."  Why does everyone assume that I want a boy?  I have friends with boys and I just know that I cannot handle a boy.  B is already a rambunctious child and I can barely keep up with her.  She only accidentally breaks things.  Boys do it on purpose.  Besides, girls can wear matching dresses.  What do boys wear that is cute?

You boys have nothing on me.

2.  B is adjusting well and she's sweet with her sister is how I reply to this question.  For the most part this is true.  But this does not include the potty training regression, increase in volume and frequency of tantrums, or even C's visit to the hospital.  On that particular occasion,we had to rush to the hospital because of B's failed attempt to jump over her sister while I was making her bed.  Fortunately C was fine and her bruising went away in a few days.  Otherwise B is very loving and likes to give her sister hugs and kisses.  She also helps me by entertaining her sister during the few moments I have to put C down for.

Oh my heart...

3. How I'm doing varies day to day.  The one constant is that I can not put the baby down.  She insists on being held all day long.  If she is not in my arms for more than 5 minutes, the screaming starts.  While I know that I should start training her out of it, she is so quiet and content when I am holding her that it is hard to deal with the screaming.  I wear her while I sew, cook, eat, play with B, poop, and right now as I type.  Of course she doesn't like when I sit.  I should have lost all the baby weight since I'm standing and swaying all day but I fuel with sugar and junk food to stay awake.

"eh" to your suffering, pick me up now.

Hopefully, I'll have photos of the girls in their new dresses shortly!  Happy Easter!

If anyone has a suggestion for how to answer the boy question I'm all ears.

Tardy to the Party

Happy New Year!

Yes I realize it is the end of February but in my defense I have been a bit preoccupied.  Also, Chinese New Year just passed so I'm really not that far behind.  Or so I'd like to tell myself.

Yes, it's all in your head.

Another mom and I were chatting and she flattered me by saying that I was a model mom and her hero for doing so much and having B in so many activities.  I immediately felt uncomfortable with the outrageous compliment and I could tell it wasn't just my Asian heritage inhibiting my ability to accept compliments.  It wasn't until about 2 hours ago that I realized why I was uncomfortable.

Really, tell me all about it?

In my view I am not meeting up to a nebulous set of standards I have for myself as a stay at home mom.  When I was working it was easier to have a set of goals like finishing a project, getting a promotion, getting a subsequent raise, etc.  Obviously there is the expectation that my kids and I are alive by the end of the day.  Hopefully they are happy and well adjusted and the house has not burned down.  I'm meeting those goals (CPS don't take my kids).  However there is this deep uneasiness that has settled in my chest that says it's not enough.  While some would say, you need to get rid of that because you are doing the best you can, blah blah blah.  This little voice in my head says, "well, are you?"

Are you saying you haven't been?

Since I'm a goal oriented person, I've decided to make a set of goals for myself to meet.  This way I can objectively judge my performance.  Don't worry they will be goals that I believe are achievable.  If I don't achieve them, I'm sure I'll come up with justifications for why they were not met.  Of course I want to say that I will not be too harsh with myself if they are not met, but who am I kidding.  I guess you can call this my New Year's Resolution List.  If you don't like it you can suck it and leave. Seriously though, please don't leave.  Only 8 people read this blog and most of you are here for the baby pics (I know who you are).  If you guys leave I'll be *gasp* journaling.  These are my goals in no particular order,

1. Bake something once a week
2. Send out a care package once a month
3. Exercise 5 times a week
4. Cook 4 dinners a week
5. Eat at least 1 serving of fruit or vegetable a day
6. No dirty dishes in the sink for more than 2 days
7. Vacuum 2 times a week
8. Complete 1 craft project a month 
9. Organize something once a month

At the moment I am feeling fairly optimistic.  It might be the 4 hour stretch of sleep talking though.

She lies, I'm a great sleeper.

You can follow along with my progress reports for the following reasons,

1. entertainment of the train wreak variety
2. Pinterest fails
3. to provide encouragement 

I have finally figured out how to get photos into this thing but am having trouble with the caption.  Gah, blogger is frustrating on an iPad.

Festering Wound

According to dubious stats I found on the internets, 3-6% of women suffer from C-Sec incision infections.  I am one of the lucky few.  If only I had this kind of luck with raffles and lotteries.  2 weeks postpartum the corners of my incision opened and began to ooze.  Since it was Saturday and I had no idea what to do, I went to urgent care where the doctor taped me up and told me to apply antibiotic cream.  After a week and increased puffiness, I finally got a hold of my OB.

I hobbled onto the examination table and she came to poke and prod at the incision.  After a few minutes of painful poking and hmmm-ing sounds from the dr, I asked if the wound looked bad.  She told me that doctors and patients have different interpretations of bad.  (This is when I should have realized that it was bad.)  She said, "For instance, a doctor thinks of a flesh eating bacteria as bad.  You don't have a flesh eating bacteria."  Well then, I should be happy?  Then she asked her assistant for scissors.  (This is where I finally realized it was bad and burst into tears.)  Since the wound was clearly not healing, the incision had to be opened up and drained.  At this point I made the HUGE mistake of taking a look.  I would provide a photo but then I would have to look at it again and that is just not happening.  The doctor called my husband in to instruct him on how to dress my wound twice a day,

1. Apply topical anesthesia for the pain
2. Scrub wound until it oozes blood
3. Stuff wound with saline soaked gauze
4. Tape dry gauze over wound

Yes it is as painful as it sounds, only 10 times worse.  At the follow up appointment, the dr said the the wound was making some improvement but was developing a smell so she instructed Jason to scrub harder.  Until this point, my husband wore his game face but the idea of having to scrub until blood oozes while his wife is shaking with pain took all the mustard out of him.  We booked an appointment with the wound care center at the hospital and the PT who saw us said that scrubbing was absolutely unnecessary.  My new treatment,

1. Shower and let the water run over the wound for 5 minutes
2. Stuff the wound with antibiotic foam
3. Tape dry gauze over wound

This is so much better even though the shower stings.  Think showering after chaffing that is 1cm deep and 2.8cm wide.

For the first time in my life I dread the shower but it is so much better than scrubbing.  In books you often read how the pain makes the hero weak at the knees and nauseated.  These passages always felt so melodramatic and I scoffed at them.  Now I know better as the first few showers left me clinging to the tile wall to keep from falling.  Never again will I scoff at weak knees passages.

I don't have a computer anymore, so I'm blogging on my iPad and finding it impossible to add photos. Until I figure it out, please forgive my lack of interesting photos. Hopefully my text content is interesting enough!