Tardy to the Party

Happy New Year!

Yes I realize it is the end of February but in my defense I have been a bit preoccupied.  Also, Chinese New Year just passed so I'm really not that far behind.  Or so I'd like to tell myself.

Yes, it's all in your head.

Another mom and I were chatting and she flattered me by saying that I was a model mom and her hero for doing so much and having B in so many activities.  I immediately felt uncomfortable with the outrageous compliment and I could tell it wasn't just my Asian heritage inhibiting my ability to accept compliments.  It wasn't until about 2 hours ago that I realized why I was uncomfortable.

Really, tell me all about it?

In my view I am not meeting up to a nebulous set of standards I have for myself as a stay at home mom.  When I was working it was easier to have a set of goals like finishing a project, getting a promotion, getting a subsequent raise, etc.  Obviously there is the expectation that my kids and I are alive by the end of the day.  Hopefully they are happy and well adjusted and the house has not burned down.  I'm meeting those goals (CPS don't take my kids).  However there is this deep uneasiness that has settled in my chest that says it's not enough.  While some would say, you need to get rid of that because you are doing the best you can, blah blah blah.  This little voice in my head says, "well, are you?"

Are you saying you haven't been?

Since I'm a goal oriented person, I've decided to make a set of goals for myself to meet.  This way I can objectively judge my performance.  Don't worry they will be goals that I believe are achievable.  If I don't achieve them, I'm sure I'll come up with justifications for why they were not met.  Of course I want to say that I will not be too harsh with myself if they are not met, but who am I kidding.  I guess you can call this my New Year's Resolution List.  If you don't like it you can suck it and leave. Seriously though, please don't leave.  Only 8 people read this blog and most of you are here for the baby pics (I know who you are).  If you guys leave I'll be *gasp* journaling.  These are my goals in no particular order,

1. Bake something once a week
2. Send out a care package once a month
3. Exercise 5 times a week
4. Cook 4 dinners a week
5. Eat at least 1 serving of fruit or vegetable a day
6. No dirty dishes in the sink for more than 2 days
7. Vacuum 2 times a week
8. Complete 1 craft project a month 
9. Organize something once a month

At the moment I am feeling fairly optimistic.  It might be the 4 hour stretch of sleep talking though.

She lies, I'm a great sleeper.

You can follow along with my progress reports for the following reasons,

1. entertainment of the train wreak variety
2. Pinterest fails
3. to provide encouragement 

I have finally figured out how to get photos into this thing but am having trouble with the caption.  Gah, blogger is frustrating on an iPad.