Personality Disorder

I think the B has a split personality.  The behavior is usually dependent on the environment.  I say usually because it can be pretty random.  I've seen her laugh and wail in the same breath.  Perhaps it's just a toddler thing, but I'm not around a ton of other kids so I don't really have a ruler against which to measure her.  However, there was this adorable girl at the MyGym that would lay flat on her back and cry when someone tried to share a toy with her.  There was no flailing or kicking, just lying very still with her arms at her sides and wailing.  It was so cute because she wasn't mine. 

Given the above disclaimers, her personality traits can be separated into at-home personality and out-of-the-house personality.  (I'd call the The Zoo Incident an outlier.)

Some defining at-home characteristics include:

1. Demanding (Bring me my milk NOW, wench!)
2. Adventurous (Can I use this step stool to climb onto the edge of the bar stool to the table? I don't know, but I'm going to try.)
3. Vocal (by this I mean adamant grunting) 
4. Violent (I'll cut you with my sharp finger nails if you don't surrender your iphone immediately)
5. Opinionated (This is NOT the time for a nap, nor do I want to eat any of that crap you give me!)

There is not nearly enough avocado for this face mask. 
Bring me more avocado!  You're not getting a tip.

Some defining out-of-the-house characteristics:

1. Gentle (That kid just took my ball... Where's he going with my ball?  Oh well.  Look, delicious sand!)
2. Smiley (Everybody loves me, heehee)
3. Shy (I'm going to hide inbetween your legs until this person stops looking at me)
4. Quiet (I'd rather watch)
5. Affectionate (Would you like a hug?  I'd like to give you one.) 

Look Mama, I found a leaf just for you!

I'm told that kids take after their parents.  If that is true, either my husband or I must be a psychopath.  Be careful what you say in the comments, I may cut you.

SAHM vs Working Mom

This post is a response to a candid posting by my very favorite blogger from It's a Dog Lick Baby World.  (If I met her in a grocery store I would totally stalk her. )

Kara wrote in her view staying at home with her child is a "pretty sweet deal".  This response started as a comment on her page, but then it got too long so I decided to make my own post and not word dump on hers.  While I do agree with most of her points, all humorously made, I'm not sure I agree with it. 

For backround, I'm a working mom on a compressed schedule, which means I get every other Friday off and have 9 hour work days.  As much as I value my Friday's with the B, spending the whole day with her can be overwhelming.  Here are some reasons why I think staying at home is harder than working.

1. The B doesn't like it when I sit down, so I have to be up and running with her almost all the time.  At least at work I get to sit down even though I am fielding phone calls and receiving/writing nasty-grams. (+1 point to SAHMs)
2. At work I can prove my points with facts and data.  Whereas at home, no amount of reasoning can convince a toddler to stop throwing food on the floor, or that screaming won't make the diaper change any faster. (+1 point to SAHMs)
3. At work you get recognition and appreciation from the people you support and work for and with in the form of words and money.  At home, you just get bitten and the occasional smile.  Although, I must admit that hugs from the B just melt my heart. (-2 points to SAHM)

Plus all of the difficulty at home may be my own fault.  I insist on:

1. Making organic foods for the B
2. Using cloth diapers
3. Being pretty indulgent about getting her what she wants as quickly as humanly possible because I can't stand listening to her whining and screaming.
4. Feeling guilty that I'm not able to give her 100% of my attention when I am with her

My husband and I have been talking about having a 2nd child.  In this case I might stay at home because we would not net that much after the cost of 2 kids in childcare.  I would hope that the guilt factor would go away, and maybe her acting out is just because she doesn't get to see me that much during the week?  Who knows.

Anyway, my conclusion is this: I believe that SAHMs do have it as hard as working moms.  It's just a different kind of hard.

I'm a Domestic Failure

This morning as I was trying to get my brain to wake up, I scrolled through my Facebook news feed and came across an essay Your Childern Want YOU! a friend recommended.  In a nutshell the essay says that our kids love us the way we are and don't care if we can't and don't do all the things the Pinterest-Domestic-goddesses do.  At least that is what I took away from it.  As I read the essay I got that warm oozy happy feeling that I shouldn't feel bad and sent my butt to work.

This is something you should feel good about.
You can go about your business.

Then approximately 2 hours later this huge cloud of guilt settled over my head.  I was thinking, what the heck?  What did I do wrong today?  Nursing my guilt over my second cup of tea (same teabag, so yuck), I realized that I originally had no guilt about not living up to the Pinterest-Domestic-goddess.  But now that I know I was supposed to feel bad, I'm suffering from the guilt of not feeling guilty.  Honestly, I didn't really think about it before.  I have a huge mountain of clothes, both dirty and clean, beside the bed.  With the exception of the B's room, there is nothing adorning our walls.  The same IKEA curtains that came with the house are still hanging, slightly grey now. 

And then I realized it, I'm a domestic failure.  Well, crap.

I'm blissfully oblivious to my mother's shortcomings.

At least the B still likes me, for now.