Kara wrote in her view staying at home with her child is a "pretty sweet deal". This response started as a comment on her page, but then it got too long so I decided to make my own post and not word dump on hers. While I do agree with most of her points, all humorously made, I'm not sure I agree with it.
For backround, I'm a working mom on a compressed schedule, which means I get every other Friday off and have 9 hour work days. As much as I value my Friday's with the B, spending the whole day with her can be overwhelming. Here are some reasons why I think staying at home is harder than working.
- The B doesn't like it when I sit down, so I have to be up and running with her almost all the time. At least at work I get to sit down even though I am fielding phone calls and receiving/writing nasty-grams. (+1 point to SAHMs)
- At work I can prove my points with facts and data. Whereas at home, no amount of reasoning can convince a toddler to stop throwing food on the floor, or that screaming won't make the diaper change any faster. (+1 point to SAHMs)
- At work you get recognition and appreciation from the people you support and work for and with in the form of words and money. At home, you just get bitten and the occasional smile. Although, I must admit that hugs from the B just melt my heart. (-2 points to SAHM)
- Making organic foods for the B
- Using cloth diapers
- Being pretty indulgent about getting her what she wants as quickly as humanly possible because I can't stand listening to her whining and screaming.
- Feeling guilty that I'm not able to give her 100% of my attention when I am with her
Anyway, my conclusion is this: I believe that SAHMs do have it as hard as working moms. It's just a different kind of hard.
Yeah, it's not a cake walk every day, but if you stayed home every day you'd have a better system. You really need to learn how to cut some corners so you're not constantly up and down fielding toddler demands. Because I'm around all the time, I don't feel like she deserves 100% of attention all the time (because that's nuts) and she has to learn to play independently. Luckily she's pretty good at it!
ReplyDeleteAlso, it sounds like you like your job. That is factor that can make quitting and staying at home worse!
You're probably right about a better system. The B seems to like routine.
DeleteI'm not sure I would go as far as to say I like my job. But I like the people I work with (most days), and I'm pretty good at it. So there's a confidence there. I guess I'm just scared I wouldn't be as capable at staying at home. And the one person who could give me accurate feedback still can't talk. Although, she does make some pretty good animal noises.
Hi! Visiting from Kara's site. I 100% love your post and 100% agree. I think alot of the "hardness" of being a SAHM can come from your child's personality and your own personality. For example, a desk job would suck big time if you had a boss that yelled at you all day and fought you on every move you make..and some days my "boss" (my daughter) does just that and makes my "job" very unlikeable. I also put a lot of pressure on myself to be with her 100% in all activities and to jump to her demands quite quickly...but man, she screams LOUD! I don't know if I am just a wimp and can't handle the whining but sometimes its just worth it to tend to her needs asap! Some babies like to paly independently and sleep well and eat well and well, mine just doesn't. I love her to pieces but she makes my job hard. I think the best of all situateions would be to work part time. Every other day. Then you would get your "adult" time (I miss that...baby talk is great and all but uninterrupted adult conversation...I do miss it!) and get your baby time and not feel so guilty leaving your little one. One day I hope to work part time but for now I'm going to love the situation i'm in and try not too complain too much...the grass is always greener! PS. your little one is a cutie!
ReplyDeleteThanks for visiting and commenting! Yes, getting yelled at all day is NOT my idea of fun. Part time seems like it would be great. But like you said, grass is always greener.
DeleteThe B is pretty cute, huh? :) Nobody believes that she can throw a mean tantrum. Next time she throws one I'm going to make a video and post it for evidence.
I love that this conversation is taking place - especially so candidly, and with people who seem honest and forthcoming. It's crazy to think that my fiance and I will be having these discussions in a year or two (well we have them now, but having them with more concrete data such as dealing with OUR CHILD... eeekkkkkk......). Also, I'll totally stalk Kara in the grocery store with you.... hahaha.
ReplyDeleteKara - you have been warned.
It's a date! Maybe we can bribe her with a Rita's trip? I remember those pre-marriage-pre-baby discussions fondly. It's so fun to imagine the future together. Maybe you can write it all down and see how close you hit? I once read that people who write down their goals are more likely to achieve them than people who don't. Doesn't work for me because my priorities keep changing. I guess I'm fickle like that.
DeleteI totally agree with you that it is hard to be a parent, whether you work or stay at home. We all make our decisions and those decisions dictate how hard or easy our lives are. And even if we decide to make things hard, like your making organic baby food for B and me deciding that we must make 95% of our meals from scratch at home, we should really appreciate the chance that we have to shape little people!!
ReplyDeleteOh and I'll join in the stalking of Kara with you!